


A Melancholy Of White

by mochary



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Accidents, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, established relationship but then not ???, theres a lot of flashbacks, victuuri are engaged, viktor cries a lot, yuuri has no idea whats going on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 02:03:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8602939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochary/pseuds/mochary
Summary: “Yuuko. What’s happening?” Viktor asks sternly. “Did something happen?”“O-oh my God. Viktor-“ Yuuko cries from the other line. “It’s Y-Yuuri. He got into an accident. Viktor, t-there’s blood. P-please come immediately.”It's then, when Viktor's heart shatters into a million pieces.“Viktor?” She hiccups from the other end, sniffles intertwines with her words. “Viktor-“--(au where yuuri loses his memory and it causes viktor a lot of pain)





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> *blood mention*
> 
> im sorry™
> 
> i got this idea randomly in the day and have wanted to write a viktuuri fic so...
> 
> THIS WAS PERFECT 
> 
> & i love viktuuri so much pls help me ive fallen into a deep pit (i also love/hate angst)
> 
> leave a kudos if you likeeee ;)

 

 

**December**

**  
** It’s winter.

The icy cold air has resulted in Viktor huddling himself against his adorable Yuuri – at least that’s what he remembers when falling into bed last night.

Now waking up to a sleep-deprived Yuuri straddling his lap is one of the things Viktor loves.

“Are you going for a skate?” Viktor mumbles half-asleep.

He can tell it’s early morning by the birds chirping outside their bedroom window. They always do it at the same time every morning, the same time Yuuri gets up to have a skate around.

“Not today.” Yuuri stretches his arms up. “I think I deserve a lay in with you.”

Viktor grins mischievously. “Then why aren’t you lying in?”

“Hmm. I don’t know. I felt like being a tease.” Yuuri smiles back, drawing patterns on his boyfriend’s shirt. “You always sleep in too late, how do you do it?”

“It’s easy with you by my side.” Viktor flirts picking up Yuuri’s left hand, twisting around a certain ring that lay on his finger.

Viktor had proposed to him unofficially one night when they were lounging around their house. It was silent, cuddled up into each other’s side watching some ice skating competition on TV when Viktor blurted out the words, “We should get married.”

The next day, Yuuri came home to a ring waiting to be open.

At first, Yuuri told him he wasn’t worth the ring but Viktor responded with some cheesy line and it seemed to work.

They had decided to wait to get married – and staying as fiancés for now.

There’s too much going on, they would barely make any time for a wedding.

Yuuri’s pokes his nose with a stupid grin on his face. “You’re so sappy.”

“You make me like this, Yuuri.” Viktor places his hands on his hips. “You make me like _this_.” He says, wiggling his hips around in place.

Yuuri is now to aware of his boyfriend’s morning wood.

“Told you I wanted to be a tease.” Yuuri winks, placing a chaste kiss to his cheek before jumping off his lap. “I need a shower.”

“What happened to a lay in?” Viktor whines twisting in his sheets. “ _Oh_ – oh, wait! Can I join you in the shower?”

Yuuri starts unbuttoning his shirt in front of his boyfriend. “Too crowded.”

Viktor watches him intensely with eager. “I _hate_ you and your _sexiness_.”

“Sorry I’m irresistible.” Yuuri smirks throwing his shirt at his boyfriend before closing the bathroom door behind him with a click.

Viktor groans clenching the shirt in his hands with frustration.

 

                                                    --

 

It’s late afternoon when they make their way down to Ice Castle. It is the perfect distance away from their apartment which they bought back almost a year ago.

They walk in together, holding hands and swinging them back and forth.

They are both wearing heavy jumpers from the falling snow outside which had started a couple of hours ago. Viktor eyes lit up when he saw it – and immediately wanted play with it. Yuuri just laughed saying that he’s such a child.

“Viktor! Yuuri!” Yuuko smiles when she sees them. “Didya see the snow?”

“ _Yes_! See Yuuri, I’m not the only one who enjoys the snow.” Viktor drops the younger boys hand, pulling his own skates out of the bag they brought.

“I didn’t say I didn’t enjoy it.” Yuuri points out, wiping snow from his glasses. “The way you acted when you saw it-“

“Don’t be so mean, Yuuri~” Yuuko chimes in, leaning her elbows on the counter. “Everyone gets excited about snow!”

“Even me.” Takeshi pops out of nowhere, placing his arm around his wife’s shoulders. “The triplets too.”

“But- ugh. I give up.” Yuuri slumps his shoulders.

“Don’t be so gloomy, Yuuri.” Viktor winks standing up, now taller than before due to his skates. “You get to skate with me! _Viktor Nikiforov!_ ”

“I’m aware.” Yuuri grins, shaking his head. “I’m marrying you as well.”

“Never forget that.”

“How could I ever _forget_ that I’m marrying you-“

“You guys are so cute.” Yuuko squeals in Takeshi’s arms.

“More like gross.” Yurio calls from the rink leaning against the wall.

“Yurio! Why are you here?” Viktor eyes light up with surprise. “What-“

“Shut up. I came here to see you. Problem?”

“He actually admitted it.” Yuuri mumbles to Viktor with shock.

“Are you guys going to skate or what?”

“Y-yes!” Yuuri confirms taking a seat and slipping his skates on.

Soon enough, they all are skating around together.

Yuuri and Viktor play around with each other, almost tripping over in the process. Yurio looks at them with disgust but can’t help and let out a little chuckle now and then.

“Yurio~” Viktor hums grabbing onto Yurio’s wrists. “Spin around with me.”

“You idiot.” Yurio yelps trying to pull his hands free. “I’m not going to do that! L-let me go.”

He tries to tug his hands from the grip but instead trips backwards, landing on cold ice on his back.

Viktor and Yuuri both stare down at him before laughter erupts throughout the empty rink.

 

They get home when it’s dark, and drop onto the couch instantly. The yhad spent at least two hours skating around with Yurio before they all got too tired.

“Oh~ Is it bed time for you, Yurio.”

All Viktor got was a slap to the face and insult back. What else did he expect?

“You should stop teasing him so much.” Yuuri says once they are huddled together on the lounge. “He’s anger will rise too much.”

“But he’s too cute when he’s mad.” Viktor sighs with happiness. “Maybe you should tease him. You’re the meanest teaser after all.”

Yuuri sticks his lounge out. “Only to you ‘cause you deserve it.”

“What did I ever do to you? This morning you left me hard!”

“Nothing. Your reactions are priceless though, so it’s worth it.” Yuuri smiles with deviously. “How did you take care of it?”

“I didn’t.” Viktor mumbles with embarrassment. “I try to with the scent of your t-shirt but-“

Yuuri raises his eyebrows before corrupting with laughter. “With my s-scent?”

“ _What?_ ” Viktor whines with confusion. “I tried to but I couldn’t because you weren’t there – hey – don’t laugh at me!”

Yuuri sides shook with laughter, his stomach and cheeks hurting from the movement. “S-sorry. It’s just funny-“

Viktor cut him off with his lips – sliding their mouths together in motion. “I love you, Yuuri.”

“Hmm? This morning, you told me you hated me-“

“Shut up.” Viktor says before connecting their lips together again.

Yuuri pulls away, looking to his fiancé’s aquamarine eyes before whispering carefully in his ear, “I love you more.”

 

**January**

This time, Viktor wakes up to an empty bed.

He doesn’t smell the cooking of Yuuri’s food or the showering running nor the light hum of the TV.

Viktor panics for a moment – but then he realises it’s Thursday and on Thursdays, Yuuri goes for his usual skating practise early in the morning. Viktor would go with him – but he’s already too exhausted from the weeks activities and working to gain extra money.

Makkachin jumps onto the messy bed, barking at Viktor – a thing he rarely does.

“Makkachin~” Viktor strokes his head back. “What’s wrong with you?”

At the same time Makkachin barks again – Viktor’s phone vibrates on his bedside table.

He reaches over, snatching the phone from it’s place and checking the caller ID.

It’s Yuuri.

The only time Yuuri ever calls him is when his out shopping and asks if Viktor needs anything – there was a possibility Yuuri stopped off at the market.

“Yuuri-“

"Viktor!” Yuuko shouts into the phone with eager. “Viktor.”

Viktor’s heart sinks down into his stomach.

“What-what is it? Yuuko?”

Yuuko starts crying, her words jumbled into each other making it hard to understand.

“Yuuko. What’s happening?” Viktor asks sternly. “Did something happen?”

“O-oh my God. Viktor-“ Yuuko cries from the other line. “It’s Y-Yuuri. He got into an accident. Viktor, t-there’s blood. P-please come immediately.”

 It's then, when Viktor's heart shatters into a million pieces.

“Viktor?” She hiccups from the other end, sniffles intertwines with her words. “Viktor-“

He wastes no time, throwing on the first clothes he finds in his closet and slipping on sneakers. Before he knew it, Viktor’s legs carried him to the Ice Castle.

The whole time, he could only pray his Yuuri is safe.

 

                                                       --

Viktor arrives before the ambulance.

He has tried to maintain his rapid pulse but even the burning sensation in his legs don’t stop him from running out into the middle of the ice rink.

It’s where Yuuri lays, dressed in a familiar white costume that had been buried in boxes in their apartment.

Though, it’s barely white anymore.

Viktor kneels with tears floating in his eyes, ignoring Takeshi that stands next to him.

Yuuri’s extremely paler than usual – with a gash in his head that has blood leaking out of it at a rapid rate.

It makes Viktor feel sick to his stomach.

He places Yuuri’s head gently on his legs, caressing his dark hair back gently and whispering comfort words even if Yuuri can’t hear one thing.

Viktor didn’t know how to feel.

People get into accidents all the time whilst ice skating – it’s a dangerous sport but Viktor never thought this would happen to Yuuri.

 _His_ precious Yuuri.

A few tears drop onto Yuuri before Viktor turns to look up at Takeshi who stares down at him with pity.

“What happened?” Viktor asks gently, hearing the sirens echo in the distance.

“I’m not the one to ask. Yuuko saw it all.” Takeshi nods over to Yuuko who sat with her legs tucked into her chest.

Once the ambulance arrived, Viktor’s now watching from a distance with shatters of his heart surrounding him.

The worry of _what if something’s wrong_ has lingered in his mind since he got the phone call.

And now, he sat in silence with Takeshi and Yuuko as they lifted Yuuri onto a stretcher.

“How come you didn’t treat him?” Viktor asks sternly through his gritted teeth to Takeshi. “Did you think calling an ambulance would be _enough?_ ”

“Viktor-“

Viktor stood up with anger passing through his veins. “You could’ve pressed a goddamn towel to his head! It would have done something. Even if it was barely anything. You let him _bleed_ out like he was a dead animal you _shot_.”

“Viktor, he’s not the one to blame.” Yuuko spoke up with a croaky voice. “I saw him. All I did was start crying and ran off to tell someone.”

Viktor sat back down, defeated. He leans his elbows on his knees, dropping his head into his hands. “How can things be perfect and end up like this so quickly?”

 

                                                         --

 A few days later, Viktor sat in the doctor’s office with Yuuri’s parents.

After the accident, Yuuri was taken into surgery and Viktor got the notification that it went smoothly – but a few minor problems would occur when Yuuri awoke from his coma state.

In front of Viktor are brain scans – specifically Yuuri’s brain scans.

“I’m Doctor Shiiro.” The doctor introduces with a hand shake to them all. He sets the files down on the desk that also held an old and bulky monitor.

Viktor feels his hands shaking with fear.

“There’s only one way I can explain this condition to people who don’t understand the function of the brain.” The doctor speaks gently, gesturing to the x-rays that hung up in front of them. “When he fell, he hit a certain part of his head that is well – pretty important.”

Yuuri clenches his fists together.

He feels himself getting impatient by the minute.

“Technically speaking, when your son wakes up, he may not remember one or two years of his life that has passed.” The doctor explains, pointing to a certain part of the brain. “It may take some time for him to remember, he may never. It depends on how badly the injury was.”

The doctor’s still talking but Viktor’s no longer listening.

He feels himself drift away – he feels like he lost a part of himself that he may never gain back.

It’s a scary feeling, one that Viktor never thought he would feel.

Viktor stands up abruptly with the chair screeching back in the process, voices stop talking and eyes look up at him.

He doesn’t say a word, running out of the stuffy doctor’s room and slamming the door shut behind him.

 

                                                --

Viktor finally can see Yuuri.

His Yuuri – the one who most-likely won’t remember their love ever existed.

Viktor spent most of his nights crying himself to sleep – which is a thing he’s never done before. He has never felt this kind of pain over someone that he’s deeply cared for.

When Viktor steps into the darkly lit hospital room, he feels himself almost faint.

Yuuri’s there, hooked up into all kinds of machines. He’s now wearing a hospital gown but the paleness is still there, stiches covered the back of his head and the beep of the heart monitor makes Viktor anxious on the inside.

He stares down at Yuuri – who looks nothing like Yuuri at all.

It all felt like a wild dream and Viktor desperately wanted to wake up to see his smile Yuuri again.

Even if it has only been two days since, it feels like an eternity to Viktor.

He comes home to a quiet apartment, Makkachin always looking at him like to ask ‘where’s Yuuri?’

It almost makes Viktor burst into a sob.

Viktor trails down Yuuri’s left arm, his skin cold under his touch. He reaches his hand where the ring still lay, a perfect fit on his hand.

It’s stained with dried up blood.

Viktor carefully tugs the ring off Yuuri’s finger, rubbing off the pain. “I guess you won’t remember, anyway.”

He tucks the ring into his pocket, gently setting Yuuri’s arm back down to his side.

Viktor walks away, clenching the ring that sat in his back pocket.

                                               --

That night, Viktor lay in bed unable to fall asleep.

His mind is racing with thoughts – with the possibility of what if Yuuri does end up remembering and everything is happy again?

It’s unlikely.

The doctor even confirmed it.

Makkachin lay curled up at his side, looking up at him with sad eyes.

“At least you still remember me.” Viktor says with tears gathering up in his eyes.

Viktor cuddles with his poodle, clenching the ring against his chest and letting his tears spill onto the pillow.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this hurt me even tho im the one writing it wow
> 
> i was writing the cute lil scenes and then came the sad ones and i just oh.
> 
> maybe it was bc the sad piano music i was listening to
> 
> but hey thanks for reading
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](https://magicalyaoiqueen.tumblr.com)


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im definitely not 100% happy with this chapter, no matter how many times i wrote it  
> but this was the best i could do rn!
> 
> but i really appreciate everyones support! especially comments, i love to read them :)
> 
> i also think this fic will have about 2-4 more chapters, depending on what i decide

_“Viktor.” Yuuri whined from the other side of the room. “Please don’t be mad. I only pushed you away ‘cause I’m not in the mood.”_

_Viktor rolled his eyes, burying himself deeper in the blankets of their queen-sized bed._

_It wasn’t that Viktor wanted to pressure his fiancé– for force him to do things he didn’t want to._

_But, Viktor could only hold on for so long, and not being touched for over a week from the person he loved was starting to get to him._

_As soon as Yuuri came home from a busy day at his side-job he recently got – Viktor jumped him in the doorway almost instantly._

_“I feel like you hate me.” Viktor mumbled into the pillow, clenching it with his fists._

_That, almost made Yuuri laugh. “Impossible. By the way, you are so dramatic.” He said with a slight smile on his face._

_“By the way, you’re so cruel.” Viktor shot back. “And a tease.”_

_“Wait-“ Yuuri paused for a moment, stepping over the clothes that were scattered around their room (mostly Viktor’s). “Are you drunk?” Yuuri questioned once he was standing in front of Viktor’s side of the bed._

_“Mmm?” Viktor hummed from under the sheets, pretending not to have heard him._

_Yuuri tugged the covers off him in one motion, realising the clothes laid on the floor belonged to a very half-naked Viktor in bed._

_“I thought I told you to cut down the drinking!”_

_“M’sorry.” Viktor looked up at his fiancé with a flushed face. “Lay with me.”_

_Viktor tugged on Yuuri’s wrist, pulling him down into his embrace. The only thing covering him were a pair of ripped grey sweatpants._

_“You’re hot-“_

_“I know I am.”_

_Yuuri groaned as Viktor pushed him against his chest, tightening his embrace. “I don’t wanna sleep-“_

_“I missed you all day.” Viktor breathed into Yuuri’s delicate hair. “I was lonely.”_

_Yuuri sighs against him. “You have Makkachin.”_

_“But I want youuu.”_

_“You’re so needy.” Yuuri shakes his head trying to push down a smile. “But I love you.”_

  
  
\--

When Viktor wakes up, the apartment is dead silent.

 There’s no Yuuri tucked into his side, snoring quietly with a peaceful aura.

Viktor woke up to a cold bed, and an apartment that felt lonelier than Viktor has ever felt. It’s still snowing lightly – it almost makes Viktor feel calm in a way.

He sits up, taking in the very messy room that has become in the past few days.

 He has been miserable ever since he found out about Yuuri – the fact that he might not ever remember how in love they were.

A few days ago, Viktor had gotten a call for him parents telling him that Yuuri had woken up and everything seems to be normal.

Viktor hasn’t yet worked up the courage to go and visit him. Yuuri’s parents asked him what he was going to do, stay away, or try and get his memories back.

He doesn’t know how they expect him to stay away.

 Viktor loves him, and he believes their love is strong enough for Yuuri to possibly fall in love all over again even if it’s never the same.

Viktor was contemplating seeing Yuuri today. He knows if he doesn’t soon that Yuuri will disappear from his life forever and he couldn’t let someone so important to him slip through his fingers like this.

He wants Yuuri to continue to live with him.

The sudden ring of the doorbell startles Viktor out of his thoughts. He almost ignores it but when it keeps ringing, he eventually throws on a pair of decent clothes and stumbles out of the hallway.

“Patience.” Viktor mumbles when the doorbell rings another time. He reaches the door, opening it halfway and peering out.

“Viktor.” Yuri grumbles under his breath. “How long have you been locked up in here?”

“Yuri?” Viktor questions, rubbing the bags under his eyes as he opens the door fully. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m checking up on you since no one else seems to want to.” Yuri rolls his eyes. “They are all saying you need time alone.”

“Yeah. They’re right.”

“I came here to take you to see Yuuri.” Yuri confesses, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor. “They are discharging him tomorrow and plan to keep him at Yu-topia.”

“I-“

“Come on, Viktor. You can’t let them take him away like this.”

That’s all it took to convince him. He couldn’t afford let Yuuri go now.

 

\--

 

_“V-Viktor.” Yuuri panted beneath him with a bushed face. “I don’t know if I’m ready but…”_

_Viktor cut him off with a kiss, nibbling on his bottom lip before pulling away._

_“But I trust you.”_

Viktor shook this flashback out of his mind once he reaches the hospital.

Lately, he has been having dreams of Yuuri – very vivid ones.

It’s most likely because he misses him.

 Everything about him, soft chocolate hair, gentle eyes that would light up every time he saw him and his adorable laugh and smile that made Viktor’s heart skip a beat.

He knows the Yuuri laying in the hospital bed will be different.

Yuuri won’t remember winning the Grand Prix or all their memories they’ve made in the past year and a half.

He won’t remember when Viktor kissed him for the first time or their _first time._

Viktor stops when Yuri continues to the elevator. “Shouldn’t we ask?”

“I already know what room.”

“You’ve seen him?”

“No. Yuuko told me, calm down.” Yuri steps into the dinging elevator shaking his head.

“Is it okay if I see him privately?” Viktor asks to stop the silence from lingering. “I need to explain things.”

Yuri bites his lip, looking away. “Whatever.”

Mostly, Viktor’s afraid of breaking down in front of Yuuri, which would make him more dazed.

They reach the room in five minutes – and Viktor spots Hiroko sitting outside the door with shaky legs.

“Viktor!” Hiroko cries stands up once Viktor is a few feet away. “Oh, Viktor. I’m so glad you came. I was afraid you have given up on my son.”

“Never.” Is all Viktor says, distracted by knowing Yuuri is only a few feet away. “Is he awake?”

Hiroko nods. “He’s been crying. He can’t remember anything before he woke up.”

“Yeah.” Viktor sighs, the deep guilty rumble wavering in his chest again.

Viktor slowly walks up to the door, his heart racing in his chest but turns around at the last second, looking Hiroko in the eyes.

“When Yuuri is discharge tomorrow, he’ll be living with me.”

He disappears inside of the room before Hiroko can argue.

 

\--

 

_They often did this._

_They would cuddle on the lounge for a long-period before making out and descending to the bedroom for business._

_It was like a nightly routine._

_Yuuri was tucked up into Viktor’s side on the couch, watching the light hum of the TV._

_Viktor had flicked over to some sports channel that was currently playing some Ice Skating competition held in America._

_Viktor seemed immersed but Yuuri was far from paying attention to the TV._

_He was too busy admiring Viktor’s long eyelashes, how they rubbed against his cheek every time blinked - the way Viktor yawned and how he commented on small little things about the competition._

_Even if Yuuri wasn’t paying attention to what Viktor was talking about – it still made him smile._

_Yuuri reached out, lacing their fingers together and pressing a simple kiss to the back of Viktor’s hand._

_“I love your hands.” Yuuri mumbled, caressing his hand with his thumb._

_Viktor was now looking at him, the TV completely forgotten. “You’re especially lovey-dovey today.”_

_“Some days I hate you less.”_

_Viktor pouted slightly, “How mean.”_

_Viktor turned back to the TV, watching carefully as Yuuri inched closer – close enough that he was almost on top of him._

_“You right there?” Viktor asked with a grin, his eyes completely focused on the show in front of him._

_“Mhm.” Yuuri hums as his lips contacted with Viktor’s neck._

_He kissed down to his collarbone, pulling down the shoulder of his shirt to go lower._

_“We should get married.”_

_It turned out Viktor wasn’t as into the show as he thought._

_Yuuri stopped and pulled his lips away, meeting with bright aquamarine eyes._

_“W-What?” Yuuri asked with his eyebrows raised. “Married? B-but It’s not legal here.”_

_“Then we go to America!” Viktor declared his voice full of seriousness. “I’m serious, Yuuri. I was thinking – and we should get married. Not right away, but we should. I’ll buy you a ring, even!”_

_“You weren’t even watching the show?”_

_“No. I’ve seen it before.”_

_“No wonder you totally ignored my seducing.” Yuuri frowned. “I know you love ice skating but I wouldn’t think you’d reject me for it.”_

_“Hmm? I’d rather have you than ice skating.” Viktor admitted. “If you asked me that years ago I would have rather ice skating over anyone.”_

_A void of warmth spread through Yuuri’s chest._

_He swore he just fell in love all over again._

_“I’ve done my time in ice skating. It’s time for me to see where my life goes.”_

_“I’m sure to accompany you.” Yuuri kissed Viktor’s lips. “I accept your proposal.”_

_“I know. Who could ever deny me?”_

_“You’re so full of it.”_

_Yuuri pushed him playfully, but Viktor grabbed his wrist and pulled him into another captivating kiss._

_\--_

The exact moment Viktor turns around, Yuuri looks up from a magazine he’s reading. It sits in his lap, and he’s chewing on a nail.

An old habit.

Yuuri wears a white bandage around his head and a hospital gown (that’s too big) that makes Viktor weak at his knees.

The red puffy eyes tell him that Yuuri has no tears left in him.

Viktor’s wrong – he won’t be able to hold in his tears.

“V-Viktor?” Yuuri stutters with shock. “N-Nikiforov?”

The widen of his eyes make Viktor think back to when they first met.

“Yep!” Viktor nods with a fake smile planted on his face. “That’s me.”

“I think you have the wrong room.”

He’s definitely forgotten.

The spark of hope Viktor had is all gone.

“Nope. This is the right room. I’m here to see you, Yuuri Katsuki.”

_Soon to be Yuuri Nikiforov._

“You know me?”

_I know a lot more than you think._

“Yeah.” Viktor voice cracks for a minute but blinks the tears hiding away in his eyes. “I know you a lot.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Viktor steps further in the room.

The formal language Yuuri is using makes Viktor feel like a stranger to someone he was going to marry – to someone he was so close to.

Viktor now realises Yuuri is connected to a blood drip.

It almost makes him feel sick.

He can remember the blood – the thick blood cascading out of Yuuri’s head.

The blood that still stains the same t-shirt, no matter how many times he washes it.

Viktor looks away, “I’m saying that…we were best friends.”

“No. No we weren’t.” Yuuri shakes his head. “I’ve only ever watched you on TV. I…”

“You’ve forgotten, Yuuri.” Viktor says in a whisper. “You don’t remember because of the accident you were in.”

He lets a small single tear fall down his cheek.

“I’m sorry.” Yuuri says with guilt filling his voice. “T-this is a lot. I didn’t expect _you_ ….to show up like this. I wish I remembered, I apologise.”

Viktor can’t hold his tears in.

He lets a few more tears out, but wipes them away before Yuuri can notice.

“We live together.” Viktor announces. “We have an apartment together near Yu-topia.”

“I-“

“It’s not easy going back to your normal life.”

“My parents didn’t tell me anything.” Yuuri fumbles with the magazine. “The last thing I remember is nothing at all…”  

“I’m sorry, too.” Viktor tucks his hands into his jacket. “I didn’t know how else to tell you.”

Yuuri smiles slightly. “It’s okay. My mind isn’t fully taking this in right now. I’m a bit dazed.”

“Of course.” Viktor’s voice is thick from tears burning the back of his throat. “I can’t imagine what it’s like.”

Yuuri bit his lip, shuffling in his sheets. “How did we meet?”

“I coached you to win Grand Prix after I saw you performing my routine. It went viral. I could show you…. sometime.”

“ _Grand Prix?_ ”

Viktor nods. “Mm. You won.”

Yuuri leans his head back, taking everything in.

“Maybe I should tell you everything when you feel better.”

Well, not exactly _everything_.

“I think that would be best.” Hiroko’s voice chimes in from the doorway. “How do you feel now, Yuuri?” She says with a bright, comforting smile.

“Fine. B-but why didn’t you tell me?"

“I didn’t want to be the one to tell you.”

Viktor cuts in. “I insisted.”

But Yuuri has zoned out, starring behind Hiroko with more confusion written on his expression. ”Yuri Plisetsky?”

“He’s our friend.” Viktor explains, wanting to escape the room immediately.

Yuri scoffs from behind Hiroko. “Barely.”

 

 --

 

A day later, Yuuri’s discharged from the hospital.

Some would say it’s a bit fast but to everyone, Yuuri seems completely normal.

Other than the fact that he can’t remember the past year of his life. He can’t even remember what he remembers last. It doesn’t bother anyone else but Viktor.

It’s all confusing for him.

He had to set up their second bedroom in the apartment that they rarely used. Technically, it was Viktor’s bedroom, but they ended up sharing in the end due to Viktor ‘accidentally’ falling asleep in Yuuri’s bedroom every night.

When they first looked at the apartment together, they knew it was the best for them. It was bigger enough, animal friendly and had a homey feeling to it.

But to Viktor, the apartment now felt dead.

Even when he walks into the apartment with a quiet Yuuri early Monday morning, the air is cold and silence hung between them.

Except for the sudden sniffles that Viktor hears behind him and when he turns around, Yuuri is bawling his eyes out as expected.

“I’m sorry.” Yuuri takes off his glasses, letting tears fall to the ground. “I’m so overwhelmed right now.”

Viktor’s not good when people cry in front of him.

He sighs, hesitating to reach out and touch him. “Yuuri-“

“I didn’t think t-that my idol…” Yuuri hiccups, wiping his tear-stained face. “My childhood idol would actually notice me and now I’ve _forgotten_ all of it.”

“You can’t help it-“

“It’s not fair.” Yuuri keeps wiping his tears but fresh ones appear each time. “Everything’s blank. It’s all gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](https://magicalyaoiqueen.tumblr.com)
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> <3 bless you all


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont even know how this is almost 3 thousand words it just came to me tbh (& the flashbacks help)
> 
> luckily i am MUCH happier with this chapter ;)
> 
> thanks to everyone who has supported me with this fanfic, it means a lot <3
> 
> drop a lil kudos or comment if you havent :)

_Yuuri Katsuki had never felt this kind of jealousy before._

_The only type of jealousy he ever felt was when he was only little – and someone would have better skates or crayon than him._

_But this jealousy bothered him much more._

_Viktor and Yuuri made their way down to the local club not far from their apartment._

_It was a New Year’s party that the town was holding – and they had both decided to go to get out of the apartment._

_But Yuuri felt furious, the entire time Viktor had been hanging around some old Russian childhood friend that surprisingly showed up tonight._

_Yuuri was standing in the far corner giving death glares to the very ignorant and drunk Viktor._

_He was shocked that no clothes have come off yet._

_“You disgust me.” Yuri scoffed from beside him – and somehow, he was allowed at a non-kid’s party._

_Yuuri faked smile. “But all I’m doing is standing here?”_

_Yuri rolled his eyes and drank from his cup – that hopefully wasn’t alcohol. “I can sense your jealousy from a mile away.”_

_Yuuri never thought himself as the jealous type - but when it comes to Viktor, he can’t help it._

_Viktor had a lot of fans and, knowing that a majority are attracted to him made Yuuri want to possessive him even more._

_He didn’t want to be that type of person, the type of person to go crazy over some person having one conversation with the person he was dating._

_“You can go over to him, you know. He is your boyfriend.” Yuri said, lightly pushing Yuuri towards Viktor._

_Fiancé, Yuuri corrected in his mind._

_“I don’t want to interrupt their conversation-“_

_Yuuri stopped when Viktor started laughing so hard he had to lean on the person for support._

_That feeling spread throughout Yuuri’s chest, and his legs were moving before he could notice._

_It all happened so fast, as soon as he reached Viktor, he grabbed onto his collar pulling him down and connecting their lips together forcefully._

_Nothing changed._

_No one barely noticed._

_Except for Viktor’s friend, who stood next to them with a shocked face._

_“S-sorry.” Yuuri apologised, letting the fabric slip through his fingers. He walked away fast paced and a flustered face._

_He couldn’t believe he did that._

_He couldn’t believe he did that over jealousy._

_When he made it outside, he pulled out his phone and quickly opened to Viktor’s chat._

**_Yuuri:_ ** _I’m going home without you. Please don’t drink too much._

_When he started to walk, he felt a buzz in his pocket almost straight away._

**_Viktor:_ ** _yuuri…_

**_Viktor:_ ** _yuuri im coming with u (no pun intended)_

**_Viktor:_ ** _im jk ignore that bby but pls wait for me_

**_Viktor:_ ** _i swear im not that drunk_

_Yuuri sighed, defeated._

**_Yuuri:_ ** _Fine_

_Yuuri waited for at least five minutes before Viktor stumbled from inside the club that was blaring music._

_Yuuri only noticed just now how attractive his fiancé looked._

_Viktor’s black-collared t-shirt was slightly unbuttoned and the blue jeans he was wearing complimented him so well._

_Yuuri’s breath was taken away._

_But then he remembered what he did – and instantly got embarrassed once again._

_He turned away from Viktor and started walking back towards their apartment._

_“Yuuri~” Viktor hummed from behind him. “What you did back there was so cute-“_

_“Please don’t speak of it.” Yuuri felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. “It was a mistake.”_

_“So, you can tease me almost every morning without getting flustered but not kiss me in public?”_

_“It’s not about the kiss.” Yuuri turned around and Viktor was closer than he thought. “It’s about the reason I did it.”_

_“Oh. Well, everyone gets jealous, Yuuri.”_

_Yuuri gaped. “You knew!?”_

_Viktor laughed at his reaction. “It was obvious, Yuuri.”_

_“Why do you keep saying my name-“ He cut himself off. “You’re more drunk than you think, aren’t you?”_

_“Probably.” Viktor smiled widely. “I just realised how much I love saying your name, Yuuri.”_

_“Please stop.” Yuuri rolled his eyes, beginning to walk away but is pulled back by an eager Viktor._

_Viktor leaned in close to his ear, whispering carefully. “Yuuri.”_

_Yuuri felt shivers roll down his skin but snatched his arm out of Viktor’s grip. “Let’s go home.”_

_As soon as they arrived, Yuuri couldn’t help but slam Viktor against the door._

_He connected their lips together passionately and begun to remove his jacket._

_“No wonder you wanted to get home.” Viktor mumbled out of breath as Yuuri started tearing off more of his clothes._

_“I just want you all to myself right now.” Yuuri admitted, flinging his shirt somewhere in the room._

_Viktor exhaled. “Me too.”_

_\--_

Yuuri woke up crying.

He doesn’t know why – or what he had been dreaming of, but tears kept rolling down his cheeks.

It’s the unfamiliarity of the room, the giant and lightly lit room he has been sleeping in for the past few days.

The apartment that he now lives in with his childhood idol – who is now apparently, his best friend.

And Yuuri can’t remember anything of their friendship.

It pains his heart, and knowing it hurts Viktor as well makes it worse than he already feels.

Yuuri cleans his face, turning over in the giant queen size bed and noticing a familiar looking phone sat on the bedside table.

His stomach sinks.

Yuuri reaches out, grabbing the phone, and turning in his hands. There’s something familiar about it - but the dried blood on the case made him feel sick.

He flicks it on and 7:09am flashes back at him. The lock-screen is Viktor and him, taking a selfie with giant smiles on their faces.

It makes Yuuri feel worse.

He tries to ignore it as he opens the non-locked phone. A lot of apps are displayed before him, a couple of games and social media apps.

But one that catches his eye most is ‘messages’.

Yuuri’s curious, and, who knows? Maybe it could jog his memory more if he them.

He presses it, and the first thing he sees is Viktor’s name.

Then Phichit’s, Yuri’s and a couple of more numbers without names entitled to them.

He can’t help it, and clicks on Viktor’s name.

The last text from Viktor was ‘yeah’ to a response of ‘im going to be home late tonight’

Yuuri exhales, scrolling up as far as he can, trying not to read the messages until he reaches the maximum amount saved.

But, his thumb catches the screen and it stops on a couple of messages.

He scans them carefully, rereading words twice.

 **Viktor:** i just landed in russia, i almost got run over by a bunch of fans but i miss you. i wish u could have come with me.

 **Yuuri:** Be careful of them crazy fans, who knows what they would do to you.

 **Viktor:** i know what i would do to you ;)

It makes Yuuri’s heart skip a beat, but he ignores it.

 **Yuuri:** Shut up. Where are you now?

 **Viktor:** in my apartment, all alone.

 **Yuuri:** Poor you.

 **Viktor:** yes very poor me. what r u gonna do about it?

 **Yuuri:** Finish work and then go home.

 **Viktor:** on your phone at work? rebel.

 **Viktor:** all i want is your attention!!!

 **Viktor:** yuuri

 **Viktor:** yuuri

 **Viktor:** yuuri

 **Viktor:** i love u come back

It’s that, which makes Yuuri freeze.

It can’t be that unusual, right? Best friends tell them they love each other all the time.

It’s nothing unusual, Yuuri keeps telling himself over and over. He takes a deep breath, and continues to read the messages.

 **Yuuri:** You’re going to get me fired.

One thing Yuuri never thought he would have is a job. Where would he even work?

This Yuuri feels completely different to the one he is now.

He wonders, does Viktor dislike it?

 **Viktor:** but then you can fly over and spend time with me in russia

 **Yuuri:** As much as we both would like that, I can’t.

 **Viktor:** yuuri…

 **Yuuri:** Yes?

 **Viktor:** im…

 **Yuuri:** ???

 **Viktor:** …hard

 **Yuuri:** …...not my problem

Yuuri stops, letting the phone slip through his fingers and land next to him.

Is this the kind of friendship they had?

Where they…. this close?

Close enough to tell each other those kinds of things?

Yuuri has never considered himself an open person – or the type of person to tell someone _that._

Did Viktor change him?

Viktor Nikiforov is _definitely_ not someone Yuuri thinks he is.

He’s not disappointed, more like surprised.

And he feels as though he read something he shouldn’t have.

He wishes he hadn’t, because his heart rate wouldn’t slow down and he doesn’t want to touch the phone anymore.

He wipes his sweaty palms on the sheets, placing the phone back on the table and twisting in his sheets.

He pulls them over his head, breathing heavily and shuts his eyes, trying to forget what he just saw.

  
\--

 

Yuuri woke up to the smell of burnt toast.

There’s also a racket in the kitchen, along with Makkachin barking whom he only met a few days ago when he arrived.

Makkachin jumped on him like they hadn’t seen each other in years – he reminds him so much of Vicchan.

Yuuri sees the phone on the corner of his eye, but immediately diverts his gaze and pulls the covers off him.

Ever since he arrived in this strange apartment, he’s avoiding Viktor this whole time. Mainly because he’s too shy to say anything and he still couldn’t believe they were best friends.

Although, after reading those messages last night, Yuuri might avoid him even more.

But the rumble in his stomach told him he needs something to eat and after a bit of convincing himself, he works up the courage to walk into the kitchen.

He has tried to stay in his room – or sometimes he would go for walks and end up at Yu-topia where he couldn’t help but let all his tears out to his mother.

Sometimes he sat at with Vicchan, spilling out all his feelings as he tried not to cry even more.

If only he can remember the last thing he was doing.

Viktor told him that the accident happened whilst Yuuri was ice skating – and when he heard that, it made him afraid of going near the ice.

He had tried one night after he snuck out, hoping Viktor didn’t notice and went to the ice rink where Yuuko greeted him with a relieved smile.

But when he tied his skates up, and stepped onto the ice, he couldn’t help but break down once more.

It’s official. Yuuri can’t ice skate anymore.

He had sunk down onto his knees, tears streaming down his face as he felt the coldness of the ice seep through his leggings.

The sharp skates dug into his skin but he didn’t care.

Yuuri took a deep breath letting his tears mix in with the ice beneath him.

“Yuuri…” Yuuko said in pity but Yuuri said nothing as he packed up and left.

 

\--

_As soon as Yuuri walked in the front door of their apartment, he wanted to collapse on the couch immediately._

_The entire work day consisted of Viktor distracting him by constantly texting._

_The only reason Yuuri doesn’t get fired was because he lured customers in with his presence there._

_But most of the time he hid in the kitchen at the far corner practically sexting his fiancé back and forth._

_“I’m home!” Yuuri yelled in the apartment as Makkachin patted over to greet him._

_He slipped his shoes off, walking further into the house. “Viktor?”_

_“I’m in here.” A muffled voice said from the lounge room._

_Surely enough, Viktor sat on the couch shirtless wearing baggy grey sweatpants that probably hadn’t been washed in a week._

_“What have you been doing?” Yuuri asked as he placed his messenger bag down on the kitchen countertop before walking over to his fiancé_

_“You know what I’ve been doing.” Viktor winked nodding to his phone, pulling Yuuri into his lap._

_“Maybe you shouldn’t stay home all day.”_

_“I went out.” Viktor smiled. “I got you something.”_

_“Me something?” Yuuri raised his eyebrows._

_Viktor nodded, reaching into his pocket, and pulling out a simple silver finger-size band._

_“Viktor….” Yuuri trailed off, unable to move._

_“You accepted my proposal, I thought it was only fair.”_

_“I don’t need this.” Yuuri admitted. “I’m not worth this. Viktor…”_

_Viktor pressed a simple kiss to his lips. “I know. You’re worth more.”_

_Yuuri blushed taking the ring without another word and slipping it onto his finger._

_Viktor stroked his hair back with a loving glint in his eyes. “How was work?”_

_“You know how it was.” Yuuri hid his face in the crook of neck. “Remind me to block your number every time I got to work.”_

_“I get lonely all day.” Viktor pouted._

_“How? You’re like…. famous.” Yuuri mumbled into his neck feeling sleepier by the second. “You have a lot of friends.”_

_“But I only want you-“_

_“Shut up. That’s so cheesy.” Yuuri shook his head slightly, pushing down his slight smile._

_“Sleep.” Viktor whispered, twisting the new ring that sat on Yuuri’s finger._

_And Yuuri did exactly that._

_He closed his eyes, and he was gone._

_\--_

When Yuuri finally makes it out of the bedroom, the kitchen is an absolute mess.

There are piles of plates and bowls sitting in the sink and crumbs covered the countertops. The smell of rotten food makes Yuuri feel sick to his stomach.

He finds Viktor flopped onto the couch in some ripped shirt and grey stained sweatpants.

Yuuri’s stomach sinks, remembering the old messages he read last night.

“A-are you okay?” Yuuri asked watching as Viktor sat up with surprise.

His hair stuck up in all kinds of place – and there were clearly dark bags under his eyes.

“Tired.” Viktor yawns, stretching his arms up.

Yuuri notices his stomach peeking from the ripped shirt and his heart skips a beat. He turns away, feeling his face heat up from embarrassment.

“Sorry about the mess. I’m not entirely in the right mindset right now.”

“Well, m-me either.” Yuuri stuttered walking back over to the kitchen. “I can make some pork cutlet bowls. It’s….”

“I know what it is.” Viktor stood up from the couch. “You introduced it to me.”

Oh. Oh, of course.”

“But, you can still make it if you want to.” Viktor suggests with a slight shrug.

It’s too hard for him.

It’s too hard for Viktor to act completely normal in the person he’s hopelessly in love with.

He longs for Yuuri’s touch – to caress hair again.

But for right now, Yuuri seems far away even if they are only a few feet from each other.

All the vivid dreams Viktor has been having is messing with his head. It would be about their first time, or their stupid fights that Viktor hated thinking back on.

“Where did you get that ring from?” Yuuri asks suddenly, breaking Viktor out of his thoughts.

Viktor looks down at the silver ring sitting on his pinkie finger.

 _It’s yours_ , Viktor wants to say.            

He has been keeping it in his pocket but last night decided to wear it.

Although, it makes him want to burst into tears every time he feels the cold metallic touch of it.

Luckily, Viktor didn’t accidentally put it on his wedding finger.

“I bought it myself.” Viktor tugs it off his finger, holding it out to Yuuri. “Here. Have it.”

_It was yours in the first place._

“I don’t…”

Viktor grabs Yuuri’s hand, electricity running through his veins as he places the ring in the middle of his palm. “Keep it. Please.”

“T-thank you.” Yuuri closes his palm, clenching the metal between his fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](https://magicalyaoiqueen.tumblr.com)
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> ily all (i hope u didnt cry) <3


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes this is fast paced but idc im an impatient smol human  
> also it isnt as long, i wasnt feelin it so i deleted a lot of the chapter and changed it  
> im finding myself being extra careful with this story because its so organised more than my others  
> i have a fear of running out of ideas. i just really wanna be able to finish this fanfic the way i want without rushing  
> (also theres only 3 chapters left ahhh, you guys are so nice btw)

**Six Months After Grand Prix**

_Yuuri had never felt so empty before._

_It had been months after he won Grand Prix – and since then things have felt perfectly normal and okay._

_Until now._

_He was sitting on the sidewalk near his new apartment that Viktor and him bought together._

_He had walked away from him._

_He had slammed the door on the person he loved the most._

_There was adrenaline running through his veins as he felt tears drip down his cheeks and onto the damp pavement beneath him._

_The fight was stupid._

_But Yuuri wasn’t ready._

_He felt pressured, pressured to do things he wasn’t ready for._

_But he overreacted. He told Viktor to keep in his pants, stop touching him and fuck off._

_When he said the last one, the look on Viktor’s face fell._

_And that’s when Yuuri left._

_Viktor didn’t even come after him._

_Yuuri was just afraid, afraid that once they did it, Viktor would realise being a guy wasn’t the same._

_The reason Yuuri feels this way is due to the confidence he lacks._

_Even though he knows Viktor loves him. He would always doubt it._

_And now tears were streaming down his face as he pulled his legs to his chest._

_He pulled his glasses off, setting them down beside him._

_The street was quiet_

_And the void in his chest felt never-ending._

_He wanted to run back into Viktor’s arms telling him sorry a thousand times over._

_The warm comfort of Viktor’s embrace was better than a hard-concrete floor._

_But he felt ashamed._

_Ashamed of saying things he didn’t mean._

_It was the first fight they had since they became a couple._

_It was something Yuuri thought would never happen._

_But he couldn’t say they were the perfect couple._

_Even if the media did think so, with Viktor sneaking photos of them hugging or him sleeping._

_Yuuri was never going to feel one hundred percent confident with himself._

_“Why are you crying?”_

_Yuuri looked up startled. He saw Viktor looking down at him with a concerned face and can held in his hand._

_Yuuri wiped his face, lost for words._

_“I’m-“_

_“No. I’m sorry.” Viktor sighed, opening the can of what looked to be beer. “I’m too forceful. More like impatient.”_

_Yuuri sniffled, their knees knocking together._

_“I don’t know if I’m ready yet.” Yuuri blushed, whispering. “It’s my first time after all.”_

_“I know.” Viktor placed the can down, bringing Yuuri’s head down into his chest. “I’ll wait for you. Even if you’re never ready.”_

_Yuuri eyes filled with tears of happiness._

_He gripped onto Viktor._

_“I love,” Yuuri paused, through thick tears. “you.”_

_“Me too.” Viktor caressed his hair back. “I love you.”_

_\--_

Yuuri has been staring at the ring ever since Viktor gave it to him.

It seemed like a random offer because it was in the moment.

Yuuri feels bad, like he stole something precious from Viktor.

But at the same time, he doesn’t want to give it back.

And twice, he has caught people with cameras outside the apartment.

Yuuri hasn’t gotten used to being this famous in the ice skating community nor has he got the courage to watch himself perform at Grand Prix yet.

If he does, he knows he will break down.

And he doesn’t want to break down right in front of his idol.

Whom he also happens to be living with.

He sees Viktor every day, and yet Yuuri hasn’t asked anything about anything.

He’s scared.

Scared of what he doesn’t know.

The messages made him feel weird about Viktor, like their relationship isn’t what Yuuri thinks.

And every time he catches Viktor in only a bath towel, his heart skips a beat.

Even though it has been a month already, Yuuri thinks he will never be used to him.

He still thinks he’s in a dream because he never thought of befriending his idol.

The person that he had posters on the wall of.

That is now living with him.

 

\--

 

Viktor has fucked up.

He fucked up by giving Yuuri the ring – the ring that has the same date of the day they got together engraved onto on the inside.

He’s hoping – hoping that Yuuri didn’t check it.

He also fucked up by walking around the house with only a bath towel, he’s been forgetting.

He’s been forgetting that Yuuri isn’t comfortable with that type of thing anymore.

It’s hard for Viktor.

It’s hard for Viktor not to reach out to him and comfort him with an embrace.

It’s hard not to kiss him – or touch his soft skin.

He misses the light in Yuuri’s eyes, but now it seems empty.

He can tell Yuuri isn’t happy. He has been either locking himself in his bedroom or going over to Yu-topia and unexpectedly spending the night there.

It makes Viktor feel rejected in a way.

Like Yuuri is afraid of being near him, like he’s afraid of what would happen if he got close to him and then lost all his memories once more.

And Viktor desperately wants to tell everything to him but Yuuri doesn’t look interested, as he never has asked anything since the day in the hospital.

He also fucked up badly with Yuuri’s phone.

He made the mistake by leaving it in their- _Yuuri’s_ room, and when Viktor opened into it, certain messages were left displayed.

He had felt his heart drop.

_Did Yuuri read these messages?_

He had taken the phone, deleting all social media related apps before setting it back down in the exact same spot.

It’s hard, keeping secrets from the person he loves the most.

But there is a chance Yuuri will remember, it might take some time.

And yet Viktor wants him back as soon as possible.

Because the loneliness is starting to get to him.

“V-Viktor?” Yuuri asks, bringing Viktor out of his thoughts from the couch.

He looks up at Yuuri’s tired face. His hair is stuck up everywhere and makes Viktor smile slightly.

He looks absolutely adorable.

And it’s hard to contain those feelings.

Viktor wishes he could smother him in kisses and tell him how much he loves him.

“Good morning.” Viktor fake smiles. “How did you sleep?”

Yuuri shrugs, crossing his arms over his chest. “Not well. I keep having confusing dreams.”

“Confusing?”

Yuuri nods. “Mm. They are blurry and I can’t understand what’s going on.”

“Do you think it has a link to your memories?”

Viktor stops.

It was a bad thing to say.

“Not sure.” Yuuri looks away, walking over to the kitchen, and opening the pantry.

“Maybe I could tell you a few things.” Viktor suggests, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “It might jog your memory…”

Yuuri rocks on his heels, biting his lip. “I don’t-“

“You’ll have to do it someday.” Viktor cuts him off. “Or you might never remember.”

And that’s how they both ended up on the couch with a large gap between them.

Viktor is connecting YouTube to the TV by his phone, finding the video of Yuuri’s performance at Grand Prix.

And even when the video starts playing, Viktor can’t help but stare as Yuuri watches it carefully. He’s fumbling with his fingers, fixing his glasses for a second.

It’s never like this.

Usually, they are cuddled up to each other’s side and Yuuri would be biting the hell out of Viktor’s neck.

Viktor zones out, absentmindedly staring at Yuuri with a longing look.

But when Yuuri’s eyes widen, Viktor cuts back into reality.

He turns his gaze on the TV, where as clear as day the camera is panned on Yuuri and him in a firm embrace.

Yuuri’s arms were around Viktor’s neck and his hands resting on Yuuri’s waist.

The audience was cheering and present Yuuri sits still, not saying anything.

Viktor gapes snatching his phone from the table and disconnecting as fast as possible and letting silence hang between them.

“Yuuri…”

He forgot.

He forgot about the hug, he didn’t think it would be a part of the video-

“Why..” Yuuri trails off in a small voice, avoiding all contact with him. He stays on the couch with his knees up to his chin.

“I-“ Viktor says inching closer to Yuuri. “I, I didn’t know what to tell you.”

And suddenly, tears are streaming down Yuuri’s face. “Why did I have to _forget_ about this?”

Oh. _Oh._

“Yuuri-“

“It’s not fair.” Yuuri sobs, placing his foggy glasses beside him. “Why did this happen to me?”

“Please don’t cry-“

Yuuri sniffles. “You’re my idol, I’ve always-“

Yuuri stops himself, realising what he was just about to say.

“I’ve always…” Yuuri trails off, letting a few more tears fall from his eyes. “I’ve always subconsciously liked you. And now I’ve forgotten everything about our friendship.”

“Yuuri-“

“Isn’t it obvious?” Yuuri laughs slightly. “All the posters I had. The way my chest felt when I saw you skate…of course. It’s so obvious.”

Yuuri takes a deep breath, leaning over to Viktor, and wrapping his arms tightly around his torso.

“I’m sorry.” Yuuri mumbles into his shirt. “I’m sorry.”

Viktor feels his heart warm with happiness. Its felt like forever since he held Yuuri in his arms and he wastes no time squeezing him back.

“It’s okay.” Viktor runs his fingers through his hair, trying not to get too comfortable.

\--

_It was their first Christmas as a couple together._

_They were in America, New York, to be exact for a little trip with Yuri third wheeling along with them._

_Although, he didn’t go everywhere they did._

_He always yelled at them saying they were embarrassing to be around with their hand-holding and lovey dovey-ness._

_But somehow, Yuuri convinced him to come along with them to an open ice skating rink._

_It was freezing outside with slight snow falling but they were all rugged up in winter clothing._

_Viktor and Yuuri holding hands as they waited for their skates, and Yuri standing behind them with an annoyed expression._

_“Are you seriously going to be holding hands this whole time?” Yuri scoffed from back._

_Viktor squeezed Yuuri’s hands tighter. “Does it bother you?”_

_“A little bit.”_

_“Loosen up! You’re in New York.” Viktor smiles brightly as Yuuri grabs both their skates._

_“Help here would be nice.”_

_Viktor grabs his skates off his fiancé, walking off together to a seat and leaving Yuri behind to get his own._

_Once they were all tied up, they eventually made their way to the rink and through the crowd of people._

_Yuuri stepped on the familiarity of the ice and grabbed Viktor’s hand once more as they started moving together with the crowd._

_But, Viktor slipped somehow and they both ended up a pile of mess on the cold ice._

_Yuri rolled his eyes. “You idiots! You’re both professional ice skaters and you still fall down from nothing?”_

_“Blame Viktor! I could have cracked my head open and gotten amnesia. Then you’ll know it.” Yuuri pointed out, helping his clumsy partner stand up from the slippery ground._

_“There’s too many people.” Viktor whined as he pulled Yuuri to him. “Why did we decide to go on such a crowded day?”_

_“Quite complaining. People are a part of life.” Yuri said, skating ahead._

_“He really does need to loosen up.” Yuuri agreed following after him with Viktor latched on to his side._

_\--_

It’s a memory that Viktor finds himself dreaming about. The memory that makes him think of the easy times with the love of his life, and he wishes Yuuri could eventually remember it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> victuuri couple ice skating is my religion
> 
>  
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>  
> 
> [tumblr](https://magicalyaoiqueen.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ily all <3


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AhHhHh!! hello lovelies, first off i wanna thank each and everyone of you for all your support on this fanfic. it really means a lot <3 <3 i love reading and replying to all nice your comments, it really motivates me. ONLY TWO CHAPTERS LEFT!! 
> 
> the next chapter will be continuing, and then the last one will be a epilogue set in the future 
> 
>  
> 
> also, do you guys like the length of 2-3 thousand words? or would you like the chapters to be a little longer or the same? let me know (:

Viktor finds himself getting drunk more often.

He’s 100% sure it’s because of everything that is going on and lately he’s been feeling sexually frustrated.

The recent hug kept replaying in his mind but ever since then, Yuuri seems even more distant than ever.

It’s playing with his heart.

All he wants is Yuuri’s love again. He doesn’t care if he never remembers all their memories and moments. Viktor wants to feel happy again.

And the only way to numb the pain is to drink until he can’t see anymore.

He’s at the local bar with flushed cheeks and the fourth beer in his hand.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” The bartender asks, leaning over the counter with a concerned look.

Viktor shakes his head, undoing the buttons on his shirt. “It tastes so good. It gets rid of the pain.”

“If you get too drunk then I’ll have to stop serving you.” He announces and Viktor grabs him by the tie, making his stool screech back.

“You have quite the looks.” Viktor whispers and the boy breath hitches. “You popular?”

“I-“

Viktor presses a small kiss to the man’s lips before pushing him away and landing back on the stool in defeat.

“Maybe I should give up.” Viktor mumbles to himself with his head in his hands.

“You don’t have to give up on me-“

Viktor’s head shoots up to the boy still standing in front of him with a red face.

“You…” Viktor sighs. “I don’t like you. Don’t get your hopes up.”

The mixologist sinks back before slamming another draft beer in front of Viktor.

“T-this ones on the house.” He stutters and then walks off with red ears to serve someone else.

Viktor thought maybe kissing someone else would make him feel better, but it doesn’t feel as good when it’s not with Yuuri.

It must be Yuuri.

No one else.

Yuuri has been in and out lately and Viktor has no idea what he’s been up to.

After the hug, Yuuri completely shut down again and Viktor doesn’t want that. He wants Yuuri to be open with him but it’s hard.

And it’s not fair.

Viktor lets a tear roll down his cheek, standing up and leaving the beer behind untouched.

 

\--

 

When he arrives home, he’s surprised to see Yuuri sitting on the couch with boxes either side of him, which he seems rather interested in.

“What are you doing?” Viktor asks with a slight slur. “Are those my costumes?”

Viktor looks down to see a certain costume in Yuuri’s hands.

One that was white – but is now red.

The exact one Yuuri wore when he had his accident.

The hospital had given it back to him explaining that it’s stained and no way to wash the blood out.

It makes Viktor feel sick but he says nothing.

Yuuri shrugs. “I thought this could help.”

Yuuri strokes the blood-stained fabric in his hands. “This is a weird one…”

“Yuuri…” Viktor rubs the back of his neck. “That’s…the one you were wearing when you had your…. accident.”

Yuuri lets it fall. “ _Oh_.”

“Yeah…”

“Where you there?” Yuuri clears his throat as he stuffs the costume back in the box. “When it happened, I mean.”

“No. Uhm, Yuuko called me. She saw it happen.”

“How did I fall?”

“She told me you were doing a triple axel. Your skates clinked together. Lost your balance and then…”

“Do you think I sprained my ankle when it happened?” Yuuri asks. “It’s been hurting lately.”

“They did a full check of you. I don’t think so.”

Yuuri sighs. “I tried to skate again today.”

“Again?” Viktor gaps. “When did you do it the first time?”

“Around when I got discharged. I broke down. I couldn’t do it.”

“Could you this time?”

Yuuri shakes his head, bringing his legs up to his chest. “Barely.”

“Hug?” Viktor suggests when he walks and stops in front of Yuuri.

Yuuri hesitates for a moment but nods and Viktor’s heart warms. He pushes the box away slightly, creating room for him to sit down.

He sits, and Yuuri throws himself into his arms. He buries his face into Viktor’s chest and feels himself fall in love again.

Viktor grips onto Yuuri’s shirt, loving the feeling of his warm breath on his skin.

“You smell like alcohol.” Yuuri mumbles with a slight laugh. “Do you drink often?”

Viktor says nothing – because his mouth isn’t moving.

 _I love you,_ he says over and over in his mind.

Viktor just nods at the question because lately he has been drinking a lot.

“This is surreal.” Yuuri says, his voice now croaky and scratchy.

He’s crying.

“I still can’t believe you’re here.”

“I’m glad to be.” Viktor snuggles closer to the love of his life. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

 

\--

 

_Yuuri takes a deep breath in. “Do you think it’s okay to do this?”_

_“I think it’s something we have to do.” Viktor replies, lacing their hands together and giving a tight squeeze._

_Yuuri nods as they both wait behind a panel with screaming fans waiting to see even just a peep of them._

_They had decided to hold this, to tell the world that they’ve fallen in love with each other._

_It was an excuse to Viktor to tell everyone that Yuuri was his, and no one else’s._

_And when it’s time to go on, they both hold hands when they finally meet the crowd face to face._

_The ear-piecing screams almost sent Yuuri deaf but once Viktor got hold of a microphone, they died down._

_“Thank you all for being here today.” Viktor nods as thanks. “As you all probably saw, we…. kissed on television. And now we are here to confirm something.”_

_Viktor stopped, watching all eyes on him._

_It was silent._

_“Yuuri Katsuki and I,” He paused. “Are in a relationship.”_

_And it wasn’t so quiet anymore._

_A lot of cheering and supportive shouts came from the group of people and Viktor felt a spread of relief through his chest._

_“We didn’t want to keep it a secret to any of our fans.” Viktor admitted. “So, thank you all for being very supportive.”_

\--

 

Yuuri Katsuki didn’t mean to find that video.

He did a simple search of himself, clicking onto ‘videos’ and skipping the articles about his amnesia.

His heart dropped when he found the one titled ‘Viktor Nikiforov & Yuuri Katsuki Relationship Announcement Panel’.

He watched it with careful eyes, and every word said replays in his mind.

He knows the truth.

And he had to find out from a YouTube Video.

Yuuri’s stunned, the video is replaying before him but he’s not paying attention.

He knows his cheeks are flushed and he has no idea what to think of the situation.

In a relationship…...with Viktor Nikiforov.

An _intimate_ relationship.

The realisation kicks in a little more and Yuuri’s eyes widen, shutting the laptop with a loud snap.

“Ehh?” Yuuri screeches aloud without noticing, the same time Viktor walks out of the bathroom with only a towel and a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

“Are you okay?” He asks, a mouthful of toothpaste.

“F-fine.” Yuuri breaths heavily not turning to look at a half-naked Viktor.

He feels mad – sad and all kinds of emotions all together.

He knew these feelings for Viktor were more than just friendship but he never thought that he used to be _in_ a relationship with him.

Viktor Nikiforov, together with someone like himself.

“Viktor-“Yuuri stops, remembering the ring that sits on his right hand.

“Yeah?”

He quickly shuts the laptop, pulling the ring gently off his finger and scanning it for any engravements.

And surely there was an unfamiliar date indented on the side with a love heart at the end.

And his checks turn red immediately, realising exactly what this _ring_ is.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Viktor questions again, now standing behind him with grey sweatpants on that probably have been washed in weeks (or months).

“W-what does this date mean?” Yuuri says as he runs his fingers over the numbers.

“Nothing in particular.” Viktor lies, drying his hair with a towel. “Had it on there when I….I found it.”

“You….” Yuuri trails off, “Why are you l…lying to me?”

He feels his throat tight up and tears swell in his eyes. He stands up from the coach and faces Viktor who has a shocked expression.

Viktor lets the towel slip from his grip. “I-I’m not lying.”

“ _Fucking_ stop!” Yuuri shouts, and it’s the first-time Viktor has heard him swear since he woke up. “Stop this _shit_. Stop lying to me. You don’t think I deserve to know the _truth?_ ”

Somehow, _this_ Yuuri reminds him of the old Yuuri.

“Y-Yuuri. Please don’t be mad.” Viktor says as calmly as he can. “I will tell you everything. Please.”

Yuuri feels tears slip down his cheek as he sees the pity in Viktor’s eyes stare back at him. “How do I know you haven’t been lying about everything?”

“You saw the Grand Prix video. It’s all real.” Viktor points out, wanting to desperately reach out to Yuuri. “Sit down. I’ll explain everything. Please.”

“I don’t know.” Yuuri shakes his head, not bothering to wipe his tears. “I feel…b-betrayed.”

A sob escapes Yuuri’s lips and Viktor swears he hears his own heart shatters into two.

“I didn’t want you to feel like you had to be with me.” Viktor explains the best as he can. “I wanted…. I wanted you to fall in love with me the way you did the first time.”

Yuuri sniffles, his glasses foggy as ever. “I feel like I need time.”

“N-need time?”

“Uhm. Away, from here. To process things.”

“Yuuri-“

“I appreciate everything, otherwise.” Yuuri cuts him off, which is something he’s been doing lately. “I feel awkward. I don’t even know how to feel.”

“Take your time. I guess.” Viktor looks down at the floor, his heart aching with every word.

The tears have stopped now, but Yuuri knows not for long.

“I’ll be with my p-parents.” Yuuri picks up his phone that lay on the table, but leaving the laptop where it reminds. “I don’t know how long I’ll need.”

“Y-yeah. S’fine.”

It’s not.

 

\--

 

That night, after Yuuri packs up some of his things, Viktor lazily throws some decent clothes on and makes his way down to the same bar as a few days before.

Alcohol gives him a distraction from everything going on. He had checked the laptop as soon as Yuuri was out the door.

He held back everything he had not to beg him to stay, because not seeing Yuuri for more than a week is surely going to kill him.

But he knows how Yuuri found out – that stupid video someone uploaded on the internet.

He orders vodka shots for something different this time, and isn’t surprised to see the same bartender as before.

“I guess it’s fate.” Viktor jokes as he takes his third shot, and the bartender places another one in front of him.

He winks. “Maybe.”

“Joke.” Viktor confirms, feeling the alcohol burn down his throat. “I don’t cheat.”

“Boyfriend?”

“Kind of.” Viktor shrugs, he still considering Yuuri his fiancé, but if he doesn’t want to be in that kind of relationship, he should accept it.

“Stop chasing someone that doesn’t wanna be chased, it’s not good for your heart.”

Viktor frowns. “You don’t know my life.”

“But I do know you’re hot as hell.”

“Are you in the closet?” Viktor questions abruptly , his words intertwining with the other.

He bites his lip. “My parents are the only ones who don’t know.”

“Religious?”

“Very.”

“Hm, I see.” Viktor takes another shot, and his vision is already starting to feel a little fuzzy.  

 

A few hours later, Viktor wakes up with the worse headache in his life. He can barely recall the hours before, remembering Yuuri leaving and making his way down to the bar.

He rubs his head, still half asleep and covered in the warmth of sheets.

He starts drifting back to sleep – but when he feels his food coming up he bolts up from the comfort of the bed.

Viktor starts to run to the bathroom, but then realises he doesn’t know where that is.

He takes everything in, the bed, it definitely isn’t his and the person sleeping in it _definitely isn’t_ Yuuri.

Viktor bites down on his tongue, letting the sickness waver in his stomach.

 But this made him feel worse.

He’s half naked, with only boxers and his clothes seem to be scattered all over the room.

He mentally smacks himself.

The guilty sinking in his stomach as he tip-toed to where the mysterious person laid on the other side of the bed.

And sure enough, it’s that fucking bartender that constantly flirted with him.

But Viktor couldn’t remember anything after his fifth shot, he was sure he told the guy to piss off and then walked home.

Surely enough, Viktor wasn’t that stupid to sleep with this guy.

But knowing him, he gets wild when he drinks.

“ _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ ” Viktor swears under his breath as he collects his clothes. “I’m a _fucking_ idiot.”

Viktor quickly throws his clothes on, and before walking out the door, sticks up his finger at the bartender who still sleeps soundly, then walks out.

This is a mistake he can’t undo.

He can barely believe himself as he walks home in the early morning, walking past Yu-topia and holding himself back as much as he can.

He keeps telling himself that he didn’t sleep with this guy, and he made it look like that to scare him. They did nothing. Viktor can’t do anything unless it’s with Yuuri.

There’s no way, but somewhere deep down, Viktor’s terrified that it’s true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey look its my [tumblr,](https://magicalyaoiqueen.tumblr.com) come say hi!!!
> 
> ily all <3 pls dont hurt me
> 
> ( leave a comment if you want because i love reading them <3 )


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woOoO second last chapter!!! i know you guys will love it ;)
> 
> thank you ALL for your support, its absolutely amazing and i couldnt ask for better readers. (even tho u all want to kill me D:)
> 
> we have made it through the angst. yes, this fanfic is fast-paced (bc i suck at pacing) but the next victuuri fic i write WILL be detailed and longer (hopefully...) 
> 
> the next chapter will be an epilogue set in the future, which im so excited for you guys to read, even if it is the end

Yuuri Katsuki has been a wreck for the past two days.

For those two days, he’s been crying as much as he can – making sure his parents weren’t around when he was.

He has gotten a few drunken texts from Viktor – things like ‘I miss you’ but spelt backwards or with typos.

And none of it still has processed through Yuuri’s mind. He honestly couldn’t believe that this was his life before he forgot everything.

And now he’s gone and fucked it all up.

He still blames Viktor for how he feels.

Viktor couldn’t even tell him the truth, he kept the one big secret from him.

And now Yuuri found out all from a YouTube video.

He packed a few of his things before leaving, clothes that he recognised and left a stunned Viktor all alone in the apartment with Makkachin.

He told his parents he needed a break from being trapped in that apartment – that he wanted to be with people that didn’t lie to him, or he hoped so.

Because technically, his parents also didn’t tell him, though it wasn’t their secret to hide.

“I don’t feel wanted there.” He lied, keeping his head down and gripping the bag in his hands. “I want to be here, for now.”

“Oh, are you sure?” Hiroko frowned. “Viktor’s okay with it?”

Yuuri shrugged. “Perfectly fine.”

He spent a majority of his time in his room, gazing at the old crumbled up poster that are starting to peel off his wall.

He’s cried about five times an hour.

And now he’s walking back from his doctor’s check-up with Minako, who decided to come with him.

Minako has always been a good friend and dance teacher to Yuuri, and he’s grateful for her.

They walk in silence in the slight drizzle of the rain. Luckily, everything’s okay with his recent brain scans but no signs of any memories coming back, yet.

The doctor said they could take up to years to come back, but honestly Yuuri doesn’t know if he can wait that long.

“What’s the real reason you’re not staying at your apartment anymore?” Minako asks to break the silence.

“Barely feels like my apartment.” Yuuri mumbles under his breath. “It’s nothing major.”

“Are you sure? You seem like you’re going to burst out crying with every step. C’mon talk to me.” Minako nudges him slightly with her elbow.

“I found out.” Yuuri gives in.

He did need someone to talk to – and it was usually just himself and his own thoughts.

“I found out about Viktor and…”

“Viktor and you?”

“Yeah.” Yuuri pauses. “It’s messing up my feelings.”

Minako smiles, “He really loves you.”

Yuuri stops in his tracks, stunned by the words.

Minako sucks in a breath, stopping to. “I can remember when he first arrived here, he always thought you were into me because you constantly came over to practise.” She let out a small laugh at the sight of Yuuri’s face.

“I never-“

“I know. It’s called jealousy. Yuuri, Viktor’s loved you since he first met you.”

“And me?”

“You guys were like newlyweds every day.” Minako confesses. “Always ice skating together, going grocery shopping or travelling some place for a week just ‘cause you can.”

A tear slips down Yuuri’s cheek for every memory he’s being told.

He can’t believe he forgot all this – all these memories that he might never get back are gone into thin air.

And he knows for sure now. He knows what these tight feeling in his chest gets when he looks at Viktor or the way he feels when Viktor gives him that look.

It’s love.

It’s the best kind of feeling that he’s felt for this past month, but he’s pushed it back because of fear.

“Go.” Minako says, breaking him out of his deep thoughts. “Go to him.”

“Is that really okay?” Yuuri asks in a croaky voice, letting tears spill out of his eyes.

“He’ll be so happy. Trust me.”

And that’s when Yuuri starts running, his head pounding as well as his heart as he jogs to their apartment.

He hasn’t done this much running in a while, he trips on his way and people stare at him as he whizzes past.

But right now, Viktor is the only thing on his mind.

This familiar feeling of love that Yuuri can’t push down. It’s something that Yuuri doesn’t want to let go of.

Even if all those memories they have together are gone, right now is all that matters to him.

Luckily, it’s not far, because by the time Yuuri makes the front door, he’s already out of breath.

He waits for the elevator, too out of breath for the stairs. Another man waits with him, dressed in all black.

Yuuri’s never seen him before.

He stands their awkwardly with hands at his side, trying to keep his panting under control.

The man seems shady, dressed in all black and nametag that Yuuri can’t exactly make out from this angle.

It feels like an eternity but it finally stops at his floor, and to his surprise they both get out at the same time.

Yuuri pace fastens, scared that maybe it’s a paparazzi trying to find out which number is theirs.

“Do you live here?” The man asks when Yuuri pulls out his keys he keeps in his pocket.

He flinches at the question, and turns around with the keys still in the lock. “W-why?”

“I’m visiting the person that lives here. Viktor, is it?”

And at that moment, the door swings open to reveal tired look Viktor with only the same grey sweatpants – which Yuuri hopes has been washed.

His grey hair is a mess, and the bags under his eyes punches Yuuri in the heart. But none the less, Viktor looks breathtakingly attractive.

“Y-Yuuri!” Is the first thing that comes out of his mouth, not even looking over to see who the other person is. “Why….What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk to you.” They both say at the same time, and Yuuri looks back at the man with confusion written all over his face.

“Oh. _Fuck_.” Viktor swears, grabbing Yuuri’s wrist and pulling him into the apartment. He yanks the keys hanging from the lock before shutting the door in his irritated face.

“Who was that?” Yuuri questions as he steps into the apartment, assuming it’s some fan of his. “He….was shady.”

“Yuuri..”

“Never mind that.” Yuuri shakes his head, pulling Viktor closer by the hand. “I wanted to talk.”

Viktor’s breath hitches. “You’re acting…”

“Acting like my past self?”

Viktor eyes widen. “You…?”

“No. I don’t. But I remember this feeling.” Yuuri confesses in one breath. “This feeling I get with you. I remember it. Even if I don’t remember all those memories. I still feel the same way-“

“Yuuri-“

“No. Please don’t say anything.” Yuuri takes a deep breath, looking Viktor straight into the eyes. “I would have fallen in love with you no matter what. It’s in our blood. These past few days I’ve been thinking…about how I’m feeling. And I know this feeling. I really do.”

“Yuuri..” Viktor eyes swell up with tears. “Why did you have to say that now?”

“Oh.” Yuuri drops his grip. “I’m sorry-“

“No. No.” Viktor grabs his hand back. “I am so unbelievably happy. I love you _so_ much. But I…”  

Yuuri’s eyes flash with worry. “What is it?”

“The guy before…”

Yuuri tilts his head. “What about him?”

“I got drunk the other night…”

“I’m not surprised.” Yuuri smiles slightly, watching Viktor carefully.

“I got so drunk and-“ Viktor took a step back, afraid of what Yuuri would think.

He surely will think he’s sick. A sick man who can’t take his alcohol at his age. It’s now or never, because the guilt has been eating at him since it happened.

Even if he’s not exactly sure what happened, parts of it are starting to come to him.

“I think I…slept with him.”

“You….what?” Yuuri blinks, staring at him blankly.

“Well I don’t know. Because I woke up in bed with him practically naked. Yuuri – please don’t look at me like that. I was drunk. I was upset. I-“ Viktor sighs in frustration. “I swear to God, I love you. Only you.”

Yuuri looks away with hurt. “A-are you sure about that?”

“Of course, I am! I-I don’t even know how he found my address. I swear I didn’t ask him to come here…or anything.”

“Maybe this was a bad idea.”

Yuuri loves him, he’s figured it out now - but this isn’t the best news to hear after you finally get the courage to realise what these feelings were the whole time.

These such feelings are now replaced with hurt, but they still linger somewhere in his chest.

Even if Viktor says he was drunk, it’s still not his fault for being responsible.

“Please don’t say that.” Viktor begs, grabbing Yuuri’s hands, thankful when he doesn’t reject him. “I would never do that on purpose. Ever. Believe me.”

“Ask him.” Yuuri finally says. “Ask if it’s true or not.”

“I can, right now-“ Viktor pulls to let go and check the door to see if he’s there, but Yuuri stops him.

Their lips press together, ever so lightly.

And to Yuuri, it feels like their first kiss.

It’s much more then what they say its like in book – it makes Yuuri feel complete and warm with something so familiar.

His memories are on the tip of his tongue, but he can’t quite make it out.

“It’s okay, for now.” Yuuri caresses Viktor cheek. “I just want to be with you. Make up for lost time.”

And then their lips are connected again, and Viktor feels like everything has fallen back into the place.

Except for the mind-eating guilt, drunken mistake he made. It lingers in the back of his mind even when Yuuri guides him to the bedroom – the bedroom they share.

“Wait, Yuuri-“ Viktor pulls back from their heated kiss. “I don’t know if you’re ready for this. I mean – we-we have done it in the past but technically it’s like you’re a virgin again so-“

Yuuri’s face turns beat red. “We’ve gotten that far? How long have we been together?”

“Two years.” Viktor breaths out, pushing their foreheads together. “Two whole years.”

“And…. I remember none of it.”

“It doesn’t matter. Don’t think about that.”  Viktor laces their fingers together, closing his eyes. “You remember the feeling right? Close enough.”

“I do. I feel like I’ve known you for….for a long time.”

And they both eventually, slowly fall into bed together – a bundle of limbs and blankets.

They didn’t exactly go all the way, but clothes got thrown and lips were locked.

Yuuri told Viktor that he’s right, he isn’t mentally prepared for it.

And now Yuuri is tucked into Viktor’s peacefully sleeping body, smothered in warm from the cool air.

“I really do remember.” Yuuri whispers, taking a breath of Viktor’s skin. “Just not in the way you want.”

 

\--

 

It’s been a few days – and in those few days, Viktor has been his happiest.

Until now, waiting at some café down the street with black glasses on so nobody will recognise.

But he swears he’s seen flashes from the corner of his eye.

And finally, he shows up, the one that he possibly ‘slept’ with when he got wasted.

Yuuri had told him that he needed to know the truth asap – and Viktor groaned in irritation but did it anyway.

It wasn’t hard finding him, a quick trip to the bar – left his number for the guy and within a few hours he got a call.

“Just tell me the truth.” Viktor rolls his eyes when the guy stares at him with flames.

He sips his coffee that Viktor had to wait five minutes for him to get.

“We didn’t sleep together.” He says simply. “We gave each other heads, made out a little. We were pretty close though, until you stopped me. You were calling out some name.”          

Viktor raises his eyebrows. “Of course.”

And the guilt wavered a little – because it still felt like cheating.

 

\--

 

A familiar smell is the first thing Viktor notices when he steps into the apartment.

"Yuuri?" Viktor calls out, being lured into the kitchen. "What are you cooking?"

The sight before him feels him with warm, there are two pork cutlet bowls in front of his adorable partner who’s wearing a slight messy apron.

"Welcome home." Yuuri greets with a grin.

Viktor can't stop himself, wrapping _his_ Yuuri in a crushing embrace. He nuzzles his neck with love, pepper kissing his face all over.

Viktor really is home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my [tumblr,](https://magicalyaoiqueen.tumblr.com) i reblog a lot of yoi
> 
>  
> 
> ily all <3


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS....ITS THE END!!
> 
> and tomorrow is also the end of yoi season one god fucking help me i aint ready. (hopefully season two, yes pls)
> 
> i truly, truly hope you guys like the ending. i knew it was gonna be like this right from when i started it. and no, im not overly happy with this chapter but in the future, i will probably edit this story to make it more detailed and fix my horrible writing skills. ( i never edit my chapters because i cant stand my writing even tho ive been writing since i was 8 ). 
> 
> enjoy the last chapter :)

**4 Years Later**

The warmth of the sun is peaking through the bedroom window, filling Yuuri with comfort.

He never wants to leave his bed. He’s tucked up under his husband’s embrace, starring at his long eyelashes that brush his cheek.

Yuuri resists the urge to caress his delicate skin – he knows Viktor hasn’t been getting much sleep, and doesn’t want to disturb him on a rare day off.

Yuuri sighs happily, burying himself in his husbands chest.

They had decided to get married a few months after their make up. They did it on impulse, flying over to America and eloping in one night.

And now it’s Yuuri’s thirtieth birthday today, and he almost can’t believe it himself. Many years have passed since his accident, and not one memory has returned to him.

But even so, he knows he loves Viktor despite not knowing. In these four years, they have made more memories then they have in the two years they were together before he had his accident.

Sadly, Makkachin got put down a few years back. It sent Viktor into a state of depression. Luckily, Yuuri was able to relate to his feelings.

Viktor’s eyes flutter open, and he immediately smiles widely. He yawns, shifting slightly, pulling Yuuri closer to him.

“Happy birthday.” Viktor whispers into his ear, his hot breath blowing onto his skin. “Now we’re both oldies.”

Yuuri blushes, pushing him away playfully. “You’re waaay older than me-“

“Four years? Not much.” Viktor smiles deviously, flipping around so Yuuri is under him. “I’ll be thirty-four on Christmas.”

“Don’t worry,” Yuuri reaches up, stroking his face with both hands. “I still love you. You’re also still fucking hot as-“

“Daddy!”

They both turn at the sound of their adopted daughter, Viktor moves off him quickly, flopping back on his side.

Viki, their three and a half year old daughter they both adopted on March 3rd, the day she was born. Let’s say Yuri wasn’t exactly happy to be sharing the same month birthday, complaining that no one will pay attention to him.

Viktor’s the one who insisted on calling her Viki Nikiforov. Due to the fact that Viki is a mix of both their names (more Viktor’s though). Viktor told him that the i on the end represents the i on the end of his name. It also represented Vicchan, Yuuri’s old dog.

At first, Yuuri laughed at him, saying it was ridiculous. But after a few more puppy eyes and cheesy lines, Yuuri was on board with it.

They were both nervous about being a father, since they have never had any experience with children. But they both know they wanted kids, and finally decided to fulfil that dream.

“Come here, baby.” Yuuri opens his arms out. “Did you sleep well?”

Viki crawls into his arms, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

“Bad dream.” She murmurs in a soft voice, clinging to Yuuri like nothing else.

“About what, V?” Viktor asks, caressing her dark hair.

“I can’t remember.”

“That’s okay.” Yuuri comforts. “We all forget our dreams.”

Viki looks up, “Why do you both have no shirts on.”

Yuuri blushes beet red, remembering last night – the way Viktor was all over him.

“We got hot.”

“Can I take my shirt off too, then?” She asks, tilting her head, playing with the hem of her shirt.

“No, no.” Viktor smiles gently. “We were about to get dressed.”

 

Once they were dressed appropriately, they got rugged up and ready to go out skating for the day. Viki has been going on about it for the last week, even more when Yuuri bought her a pair of pink gloves.

Yuuri buttoned up her puffy jacket, tying her hair back into pigtails and then kissing the crown of her head.

“Do I get a kiss too?” Viktor pouts waiting at the door like a lost puppy.

Viki put her arms out. “I’ll give daddy a kiss!”

Viktor grins widely, swooping her arm in his arms. He plants a giant kiss on her cheek. Viki giggles under her breath, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Alright, you too,” Yuuri chuckles, unlocking their door to the apartment. “Let’s go.”

 

\--

 

“Why does it seem so dark in there?” Yuuri asks suspiciously, stepping into the room that filled him with shivers.

“You’ll see.” Viktor’s hand tightens around Yuuri’s,

A second later, the light flashes on and a heap of people jump from the ice skating rink yelling ‘surprise’ with giant smiles on their faces.

Yuuri almost stumbles back into his daughter, but Viktor keeps him stable.

“What the hell is this?” Yuuri questions a loud, making the crowd of people rumble with laughter.

“A surprise party!” Viktor grabs hold of Yuuri’s other hand. “I want your thirtieth to be special.”

“But now I feel bad!” Yuuri frowns with guilt. “You told me not to do anything big for yours.”

“Yeah. It was exactly how I wanted it.”

“God, can you guys like, stop holding hands for one second?” Yuri says in disgust, Viki already clinging at his side.

“What about you with Otabek?” Viktor teases with a satisfied grin. “I bet you’re all over him in private.”

It was about two years ago when they both found out Yuri had been dating Otabek for over six months. Viktor had been furious, saying he should have known sooner than that.

“Shut up!” Yuri fumes with flushed cheeks. “You don’t know anything.”

“I know everything!” Viktor drops his husbands hand, wrapping his arms around Yuri, who has barely grown. “I remember when you were only-“

Yuri elbows him in the side, knocking the wind out of Viktor.

“Don’t hurt daddy!” Viki whines, tugging on Yuri’s shirt.

 

 

They all eventually made their way on the ice, Viki clenching tightly onto Yuuko who’s helping her around the ice.

On the other hand, Yuuri and Viktor skate together, taking little baby steps in silence.

It had taken Yuuri quite a lot of time until he could get back onto the ice. Every time he tried to skate a few feet, he would break down into a fit of tears.

And when that happened, Viktor couldn’t help but break down either.

“Viktor,” Yuuri takes a deep breath, turning around, leaning on the rink wall. “I love you.”

Viktor eyes widen in surprise, gliding closer to Yuuri. “I know. I love you, too.”

He kisses the side of his face, lacing their hands together.

“Thank you. I really didn’t deserve all this.”

“You do. After everything you’ve been through.”

“We’ve been through.” Yuuri corrects with a flirtatious smile.

 

\--

 

**Two Weeks Until Christmas**

**“** God,” Viktor leans back into his chair, staring at the computer screen with frustration. “Where do you think we should go for Christmas?”

Yuuri sits on the lounge, Viki fast asleep in his lap. He staring absentmindedly at the TV with an expressionless face.

Viktor has noticed Yuuri’s been like this for the past couple of weeks. Not paying much attention, zoning out continuously.

And Yuuri himself, has felt something different. But, no matter how hard he tried to think of what it is, he can never pin point.

“Yuuri?” Viktor calls out again, waving his hands. “Where do you think we should go?”

“Hmm?” Yuuri hums, caressing his daughters hair. “Oh, right. Umm..”

Viktor furrows his eyebrows with concern. “Are you okay?”

“Perfect!” Yuuri fakes smile. “Well how about…”

Viktor sighs, knowing very well that Yuuri is lying to him. It breaks Viktor’s heart when Yuuri doesn’t talk to him about certain things.

“How about..” Yuuri thinks for a second. “How about we go to New York again? We went there all those years ago…”

Viktor pauses, feeling his own pulse speed up by the second. Viktor never once mentioned that – or ever hinted at it in anyway….

“Yuuri….” Viktor trails off with wide eyes, his voice turning croaky. “Y-you remember?”

Then, realisation hits Yuuri like a truck.

“Yeah.” He smiles gently, his eyes tearing up. “I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!
> 
> if you wanna read more of my yoi fics, i posted another one which you can check out [here.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8907238/chapters/20404852)
> 
> im planning to make that one more longer n detailed
> 
>  
> 
> also my [tumblr!](https://magicalyaoiqueen.tumblr.com)


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